Top 10 albums of 2013

It’s January 2014 - super weird. I think I use to think about 2020 being a thing of the crazy far-off future; kinda like the Jetsons would be here in real life. While that’s not really very true… it’s within spitting distance, and we’re all getting old. Even you. 

That being said, it’s that time of year again. My top 10 albums of 2013. It was a pretty ok year for new artists and albums - but there have been better. However, 2013 was the best year for live music for me; and I saw a lot of it.

10. The National - Trouble Will Find Me

This is such a beautiful album - maybe the loveliest album of the year and always a treat to see. #bonnaroo2013 delight.

9. MS MR - Secondhand Rapture

#dreampop and dreams of having rainbow colored hair.

Another Neon Gold Records label win. If Poliça had a little sister… 

8. Nine Inch Nails - Hesitation Marks

Ok, ok. Maybe not their "best" but COME. ON. They sound great, this album has several great tracks, it's borderline dancy at times. And Trent is hot. I could be biased because this is a 14 year crush.

7. St. Lucia - When the Night

I dare you to try and be angry about almost anything while listening to this album. #tripledogdare

6. Poliça - Shulamith

I wasn't sure if they could live up to "Give You the Ghost." I was wrong. Also, I wouldn't mind borrowing clothes from Channy's closet.

5. Local Natives - Hummingbird

I will never tire of LN. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Keep strumming my heartstrings.

4. Disclosure - Settle

When a fire starts to burn...

BEST. DANCE. ALBUM. OF. THE. YEAR.

3. Haim - Days are Gone

Um, hi Haim. It's me, Afton. I want to be just like you.

If I would have learned to play guitar or drums and pursued a music career, this is the kind of band my dad would be proud of. 

2. Cut Copy - Free Your Mind

Never a disappointment so my expectations were high, which they blew out of the water. Also one of my favorite live shows of 2013.

1. CHVRCHES - The Bones of What You Believe

Hands down my favorite album of the year. If you know me, this is no surprise because I've listened to it on repeat since this summer. It's dancy. It's deep. It's electric. It's melodic. Their tunes are remixed all the time. They have a hot lead lady singer. They did everything right.

Honorable mentions: 

Austra - Olympia

Sigur Ros - Kveikur

Alpine - A is for Alpine

Mazzy Star - Seasons of Your Day

Arcade Fire - Reflektor

Goldroom - Embrace

Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City

Foals - Inhaler 

Blood Orange - Cupid Delux

This is just part of a piece that I came across on the blog Rebel Society. Sometimes you read something that slaps you in the face and you're all like, "CHURRRCH!" It makes you retract, reconsider, and re-prioritize. But then an hour goes by, a phone call, a few texts, and we carry on with our lives unchanged and continuing down the same path it has been. And we wonder why we're unfulfilled.

...Prior to my inner pilgrimage, it felt like I was just spinning my wheels. I was always happy, but a bit confused. I knew there was more, but I just couldn’t get there. It was out of my reach. Now I felt distinct, fulfilled and happy — a wonderful combo platter.

Ultimately, as a result of my introspective time spent not dating, I figured out the best way to enter into a meaningful relationship:

Be the love you want; be the person you want to meet; be solid.

There is no point getting involved with another human when we need them to complete us. That is a recipe for emptiness, confusion & disaster. We are already complete; we just have to open our mind and soul to see it. It’s right there, inside of all of us. The key is that you have to experience it for yourself, not just read about it. You have to walk the walk, and there will be days that it’s going to hurt like hell.

Sometimes it takes losing your mind in order to find your soul; but, there is a major upside to all of this. We attract exactly who we are to ourselves. With that equation how can we lose? When you come together with another self-actualized person, the energy fueling that type of relationship is indescribable. It’s pure magic and much different than anything you may have experienced prior to your metamorphosis.

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” 

~Willa Cather

Time gave me the gift of realizing that I wasn’t my parents, my friends or anyone else but myself. This is my feature film. My love song. The fear of having the same experience as another person’s horrible relationship or re-living a bad break-up went right out the window.

Take the time to explore, meditate, pray and enjoy your life, alone. Figure your shit out, however painful it is. On the other side of that pain is a rainbow with unicorns that live in the land of possibilities. When you think about it, what is 6 or 12 months in the course of a lifetime? It’s a blink of an eye. We are setting the stage for the rest of our lives.

Settling, in our relationships — be it with a partner, the person we chose to be the mother or father of our children, even our friends — is not a viable option. Our time is too precious to waste it on the wrong relationship just because we’re lonely.

Blast through that lonely feeling; it’s not real. We are never alone.

Trade our places. Take no chances.

http://www.aftonmichelle.com/post/64964257946/this-is-my-jam-tether-by-chvrches

20, 25, 29.....30.

For those of you who don’t know me or just know me via the interwebz, hi. I’m Afton. Sometimes I tweet, sometimes I tumblr. You might know my face from the book of faces. While all of that is fun, I hope for this to be a little more personal. 

On March 10^th I turned 30 years old. For those of you who have already passed that marker and want to say something along the lines of “oh it’s not so bad,” (while you might be right and I appreciate that) let’s hold that thought for a moment or 10. We all have periods of our lives (at least I think we do) where we stop what we’re doing and take a look around and are either totally pumped about where our lives are at and where they might be going, or have this "come-to-Jesus moment" where we feel like things might need a second look. I swear I’m the overachiever in the latter and have done this every single year since turning 24-ish.

With everything I have been blessed with in my life – a loving family, working for a company I only dreamt of being a part of, my health, a roof over my head, wonderful friends, the opportunities I took at a young age to travel and live in different places across the country – there is still a void. I’m pretty sure John Mayer wrote a song about this. Sing it, John.

We all have our inner struggles with envy in various parts of life whether it’s envy over a job, self image, children, health, marriage, talent, or wealth. This here is mine.

At the risk of dropping names or angering anyone I’ve previously dated (you know who you are so you can relax), keep in mind that this is my space. My blog. My thoughts. And it’s nice to read something that’s very real every once in a while, at the risk of the writer (in this case, me) humiliating him/herself. Those are my favorite reads because I can respect those stories.

I am standing here in 2013 on the coast of summer again. Last summer (2012, if you aren't living in the present) was a rollercoaster of challenges and also pure joy. In conversation I have described it as the best and worst, but last summer really was THE best summer I’ve had in a very long time. I spent it with amazing friends who have become like family, I traveled, and without the risk of sounding crazy – I fell in love pretty quickly. It was that gross kind of enchantment. You know, where you drive 350 miles to surprise someone you just met weeks before and everything is perfect so they fly you to Athens, Georgia and out of nowhere you get sick but go out with bronchitis and dance to 8d’s music anyway and jump the gun and say something huge because you’re super excited and in some loving moment you share with that person it makes all the sense in the world but later you eventually regret it even though you both said it and it comes back to haunt you and the only way to convey the repercussions of this to you (the reader) is to write a super long-run-on sentence? …Yeah, that kind. We’ve all felt that way whether we’ve verbalized it or not, so I’m ok with saying it out loud. I’ll come back to this guy later.

My twenties were spent in two (and one half) long-term relationships. The first was a five-year relationship that took me out of my small hometown upbringing to the eye-opening big city of Los Angeles, CA. It was a decision that changed who I was as a person and taught me more about who I could be and what I wanted out of life. It was the best decision I’ve ever made and a young love that was real and more than I could have asked for. But young has to grow up and after five years together in our early twenties, we didn’t share the same path. To this day I consider him one of my best and truest friends and the reason I started a journey that I might not have otherwise. 

The "and one half" relationship I'm referring to was on and off for 5 years. I met this person my sophomore year as an undergrad just before moving to California. The timing wasn't right, but we had a true friendship and wonderful connection. Even when I moved back home two years later, the timing still wasn't right. Hearts were being pulled by long my disintegrating long-distant relationship and the love this person and I shared at home. On our third attempt three years later, I was living back in California and he in St. Louis. We tried our best but I didn't have another long distance relationship in me. Hence, bad timing creeping up on me again. 10 years after meeting him, we both see each other as "the one that got away." But at the end of the day, his happiness and talent fuels my happiness for him and the love that he has found. He deserves it.

The latter of these two is still present in my life. Upon my decision to move from Los Angeles to Chicago, I brought a partner in crime. I will spare the details and just say, it's a crazy situation, but in the last five years he has been by my side through literally everything and I love him dearly. Some people may regret a relationship that didn't go the way you anticipated or that made you see sides of yourself that you never knew were there. I never have felt that regret. If it is meant to be, it will. I guess that's what I'm waiting to find out. But, every experience has something to offer and teach you. He is a wonderful person and is close to my heart. We share a dog and a closeness that is confusing as shit, let’s be real. But we are who we are. 

When I think about what happened last summer – It’s weird. In my early twenties I probably would have brushed the situation off and gone on to the next thing. After all, it was a flame that lasted only a few short months and then flickered out. But here's why it was a different experience for me. As we get older our priorities change. Timing and I have never been BFFs but this one approached me at over 6 feet tall with long hair, a beard, and a good smile - so I was all, "Hey boy. Nice accent." All of this at a time where I was (unknowingly) ready to put myself out there. At 29, it’s not as easy to do as when you were 25. But those real moments where you feel like you truly connect are few and far in between.

…So I embraced the shit out of it.

Why am I telling you this? Did I get burned? Yes. Am I still burning? No. When I want to write - I just start tapping keys and whatever generates, goes. But real talk: I reflect on it because I learned so much about myself in a short period of time. I’m just a young lady like many single city-going gals who are in the same boat - living this sort of Sex in the City life – with less sex and more “Is this real life...? Where is this going...? Do I have enough money for those shoes?” kind of a thing…

I think it’s important to evaluate what you really want out of life and at the end of the day, what it is you value. What your expectations are for your future, how you feel in certain situations and about people that come in and out of your life. Whether you feel like you fell too hard, too fast or maybe you broke someone’s heart, you’re not crazy for having real feelings and you're the opposite of crazy for telling them how you feel. Timing has never been my thing but in all fairness - why should timing get the final say? People have a tendency to freak out when something good comes out of left field or someone tells it like it is.
Why? IDK!! Embrace that shit, people! On on the other hand, some people just aren’t for you - but how will you ever know what side of your life they belong on if you don't put on that bathing suit and jump in? If it's too cold, you GTFO. If it's nice, stay a while. PS - this applies to any area of your life where you feel challenged. Maybe you or I will have regret later; maybe not. At the end of the day - what I want and value in life is just to be happy. And I will go wherever that takes me. Being true to yourself is what makes you great on your own two feet doing what you do best: YOU. I just have to remember not focus too much on the past when it didn’t work like I had hoped or anticipated. It just helped carry me to this moment and place in time.

Except for that part where he actually did act like a douche. I was totally right about that.

Maybe that's why they call "the now" the present. Because it's a gift brought to you by where you came from. Your past.

C'est la vie.

Drive

We can only grow at the pace life allows us to move. If we don’t embrace what is in front of us because of our past, we may miss something life changing and fantastic. 

I try and try to keep my eyes open and push uncertainties away and embrace the sun. Life has taught me there is always going to be a risk of failure or heartache – weather can change. But those things lead to strength and personal knowledge. Rebirth.

Do you really believe that we all go through life without reason, direction, or purpose? I don’t. Everything in it, everything introduced or re-introduced into your life is a road to somewhere that could be close to YOUR perfect. 

So take the wheel and steer. 

Dear Maggi

Dear Maggi,

As your oldest sister with a gaping 12 years in between us and about 276 miles - I wanted to tell you a couple of things..

Since you were 8, I've had to watch you grow up from a distance between living in California and Chicago. People always ask me why I would ever leave California for Chicago. "You left the sunshine and ocean for snow?!" Uh, yeah. I'm crazy - I know. It's -10 here and my friends are still sunbathing in Long Beach. (P.S. LB friends - summers out here are the jam. We just hibernate for 6 months.) But the first thing out of my mouth when I respond (right before my wanting to be closer to my family, obviously) is - "Well...I have two younger sisters and I just felt like I was missing out on so much of their lives." It bothered me knowing I missed almost all of Casey's high school years and moments I wish I could have been there for. Now I look at her and see the gorgeous and bright young little teacher she is about to become and IT'S CRAY. Time goes by so much faster when you miss things. Being here, I've at least been able to see more of your last three years. 

I can't tell you how much of a treat it is for me to watch you dance. I can't stop bragging about how fantastic you are - all of you. You're entire team is incredible. You come from a long line of cheerleaders so the fact that you went this route was different and let's be real - we've all seen mom and dad's dance moves and Casey and I can drop it like it's hot but that's about the extent of it. I don't know where you get it. I did have that one shining moment in 1996 with Megan in that jazz dance class. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure it was full of Fitness & Fun rejects and well...you can ask mom how that went down. There's video somewhere I should have burned by now.

On a serious note - I am so proud and in awe of the talent that you have. You have a passion and beauty on that floor that is nothing like I've seen. Don't ever give that up. One thing I've learned in my almost 30 years is that following your heart and doing/discovering what you love is of most importance and the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself; win or lose, supporters or doubters. Uncertainty, risk, and fear builds character. I say this because you're standing on the brink of a time that is going to be life shaping. You and Casey are such brave and bold young ladies and I couldn't be a prouder big sister.

Mags, you shine so bright and I hope you hang on to that for as long as you can and as long as you want to. Because you can honestly do anything.

Make the most of what is left of this last competition season. And kick some serious ass along the way.

Mom - stop crying.

xoxo,
Aft.

 

 

AMA Recipe: Quinoa Black Bean Veggie Chili

Quinoa Black Bean Veggie Chili

Checklist:

•       1 cup uncooked quinoa, rinsed
•       2 cups water
•       2 tablespoons olive oil
•       1 red onion, chopped  - Use half if you prefer
•       3 cloves garlic, chopped
•       3/4 tablespoon chili powder
•       1 tablespoon ground cumin
•        1 - 2 (28 ounce) can(s) diced tomatoes (how much do you like tomatoes?) 
•        1 (ounce) can tomato sauce
•        2 (19 ounce) cans black beans - drained
•        1 green bell pepper, chopped
•        1 lime
•        1 red bell pepper, chopped
•        1 zucchini, chopped
•        1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced
•        1 tablespoon minced chipotle peppers
•        1 teaspoon dried oregano
•        salt and ground black pepper to taste
•        1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
•        Shredded cheese of your choice

Combine quinoa and water and bring to a boil in a saucepan over high heat. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the quinoa is tender, and the water has been absorbed, about 15 to 20 minutes; set aside.

Heat 1 tbsp. olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Stir in chopped onion, and cook until the onion softens and turns translucent, about 5 minutes. Add in remaining tbsp. of olive oil and the garlic, chili powder, and cumin; cook and stir 1 minute to release the flavors. Stir in diced tomatoes, black beans, tomato sauce, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, zucchini, jalapeno pepper, chipotle pepper, and oregano. 

Season to taste with salt and pepper. 

Bring to a simmer, then reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer 20 minutes.

After 20 minutes, stir in the reserved quinoa and cut lime into halves and squeeze into chili. Remove from the heat, and garnish with cheese and cilantro to serve.

And that my friends is my spin on Quinoa black bean veggie chilli. 

Enjoy!

Worth it...

When life curves to the left unexpectedly, it can be hard to turn left and embrace the new direction. But at every angle, life offers opportunity. Good or bad, heartbreak, challenge or a time of bliss, I am thankful for the good that comes with every experience; the people I meet, every smile that is shared – no matter how few, and even the sweat and tears that continue for a time after. Because they condition me to be a better me. And I am better prepared when the curve finally veers right.

Something Good

In daylight I smile with a veiled frown
People pass by the heart in the puddle because I hide it so well

In moonlight I fall asleep with tears and wake up alone
Because loneliness creeps into my room and blankets my queen-size bed

They say things like, “life is what you make it” or "everything works out in time"

But sometimes it all feels like an endless maze

When one thing settles, something else is disturbed
The sun stops shining and the rain comes down
And even if the rain stops and the sun shines
The ground will crack with a returning thirst
They say that love goes anywhere...
But it seems like you gave in to what you can't see

The summer air on my skin feels like the warmth of hope and reminds me of your smile

They say “something good is never easy"

And all we can do is embrace the good and venture out on the winding road

Because worry and fear never gets us anywhere

It puts you at a fork in the road before what was just a curve ahead;
An opportunity to take a wrong turn
Where this is broken is on you - it is not where you will find me
The more you pull constricts the fall
The more you think the less you're taught

Heaven help those who don't change

With faith in this heavy heart I embrace the frightening uncertainty to grow and learn

“With you, but not without me,” she says.


...help us all to keep the faith

The Man in Black, The Duke, and Loyal Case.

Over the last couple of years as I've gotten older, I'm really starting to think more and more about the people in my life; what they mean to me, and whether or not they know. This was the foundation of me kicking off the letter project which has grown into something more where virtual strangers are involved, which is amazing.

When I think back on my childhood and youth, my family was (and is) my core. My experiences as a child really influenced the person I am today, the values I have, and the family I hope to someday raise. There are some memories that stick out more than others, and my grandpa Case is one of them.

My mom and aunt will tell you that my grandpa looked like, walked like, and talked like John Wayne. And he did. But what seems to do it for me is a little Johnny Cash. His voice reminds me so much of him sometimes, and he was just as handsome. My grandpa was also a military man; a veteran of the US Navy and tough as nails.

The end of 2011 marked 15 years without him. And as unbelievable as that is for me to calculate and realize, I can still remember that man's voice as clear as day. I was 13 years old when he passed away; young - but old enough and fortunate enough to have a basket full of memories to cling onto. One of my favorite things to do is sit down and have my mom tell me stories about growing up with him. I've heard all kinds of stories about the hard-working, dedicated, stern, intimidating man and father whose name to others was Loyal. As fun it is to hear those stories, that was not the man I knew. Intimidating, sure. To a small girl he stood 12 feet tall and had a baritone voice bigger to me than anything I had ever heard.

My grandparents use to have a yellow camper that might as well have been the Barbie Glamour Camper that to me was the coolest thing, ever. The first time I touched a fishing pole was with my grandpa. I caught two fish, and almost fell in the lake like a true girl, but if I was ever able to go with them to the campground, well...my entire month was probably made.

Visiting my grandparents house as little kid, one of the first things I wanted to do was go in the back room and see him. I'd find him watching a Cubs game or listening to his police scanner and reading the paper. Other times I could find him in the garage building something out of wood where I wasn't allowed to touch or sit near anything sharp. Sometimes you could find him sitting on the back stairs overlooking the backyard, probably talking about a squirrel and eating a braunschweiger sandwich. I'd just sit there with him. At some point within the first 30 minutes of being at their house, I would sneak into my grandma's cupboard where the goodies were and try to open it as quietly as I could. It never worked. He heard me every time, just sitting in his chair and would ever so lovingly say "GET OUT OF THERE YUM-YUM..."

...I walked away empty handed almost every time.

Why am I telling you all of these memories that hold no value to you? I don't know. I guess this is more of a reflection for me. I don't really know why he has such a strong mark in my life when I was just 13. I think about him often. I close my eyes a lot and try to put my Keds back on and place myself in his garage, or on the back porch with him. I try to remember the things he'd say and hear his strong voice. When my grandpa got sick and finally passed away, even at 13 I think I was in denial. I went through a period of days where it felt unreal. I played like normal. It wasn't true. Once it finally made sense, after watching my mother suffer the loss of her father, it made me realize that I never wanted to be her in a moment like that. To this day, it is hard for me to walk into my grandparent's garage. The last time I was in there, I could still smell the sawdust from things he had made. His pencil was still sitting out. I'd like to keep it that way.

My grandma is still walking around town (literally, like a boss) and has to be one of the most influential people in my life, aside from my own mother. She's 80 years old, witty, hilarious, and dresses like a modern day golden girl. If I could be half of the woman that she or my mom is, I'd feel pretty damn good.

I often reflect on the choices I have made and my mind immediately goes to my grandpa. Would he be proud to know the woman that I am approaching 30? I hope so. I think it's safe to say that his memory pushes me to be a better person, and be true to myself. And maybe it's even a little bit that though he's up there kicking it with Jesus, I'm still a little afraid I'm going to hear his voice telling me to get out of the cupboard...

I'm lucky to say that at 28, I have a wonderful family and friends (old and new) who are healthy, happy, thriving human beings that inspire me every day. In 2012 my goal is to make sure they know it. Life is too short and smiles should happen more often.

Fa-La-La-Lolla-pa-loo-za

So my 3-day Lolla adventure came to a close on a movie-like muddy and rainy Sunday night. This was my first year going all three days and though it was balmy, hot, wet, and left me completely exhausted, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Friday night I shook my money-maker with friends at Girl Talk in Perry's Tent. It was nothing but a shoulder to shoulder crowded mess of people dancing and singing in sweat and heat. Amazing.

 This night ended on a walk to get out of the crowd with nearly 60,000 people filling in the streets.

Saturday began with one of my favorites - Phantogram. I saw them previously at Lincoln Hall earlier this year with a live drummer and it's since been one of my favorite live shows. Also on Saturday was Mayer Hawthorne, Fitz and the Tantrums, Local Natives (yay!), Death From Above, Ellie Goulding, and My Morning Jacket.

Sunday - though the line-up wasn't quite as exciting, was by far my favorite day of the festival. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. stole the day early on with a great set. We Almost Lost Detroit & their cover of Higher Love stole the crowd's heart. This was immediately followed by a quick peek at The Cars and then we moved it back to Perry's for some Dubstep dancing.

 

Then...the pouring rain came.
Not a dry shirt in the festival.
Fields filled with mud.
People running around barefoot.
My boots filled with water.

 Then the rain stopped. We started to dry out.
Arctic Monkies.
Explosions in the Sky.
Foo Fighters.

The sky turned an angry and gorgeous brown, and before we had time to think "looks like rain..." it started pouring again.

An so it was like I said: my 3-day Lolla adventure came to a close on a movie-like muddy and rainy Sunday night as I ran through a field of mud and water in the pouring rain holding hands with two lovely new lady friends. And in the middle of all of this running/rain/mud, everything turned to slow motion as Foo Fighters had began playing "Hero."

And scene.